Narein
by artbug
Summary: Words have many meanings, but in the end they are just words. They are only limits if you let them be. More of Allen's story as told by the people around him.
1. Chapter 1

Hello my dear readers. i was re-watching the series and have grabbed another minor character to write about. Narein was only in one episode; he was Allen's first real friend in India. in one scene allen has fallen off the roof while cleaning up there and Narein checks his ankle for broken bones; i saw this scene and decided that i just couldn't leave it alone. this will be a relativly short story as i'm working on updates for all my others

i hope you all enjoy. all characters are the intellectual property of their origional creators.

* * *

"Allen wait, stop ok… we don't have to do this…" Narein pushed away. This was too much for the other boy. They really didn't have to do this.

"No…" the boy said too quickly. "You want this… so I can…"

"Allen…" Narein sighed and ran his hand through his wild brown hair. "I touch you and you start crying… we can't do this." He could barely believe he was saying it. He had loved him since the first moment he saw him. He couldn't remember ever wanting someone as badly as he wanted the boy on his bed. But, Allen wasn't ready for this.

"No…" the white haired boy insisted. He hesitantly put his hand on Narein's thigh. The simple gesture sent sparks through him. "I can do this…" his voice trembled, betraying just how terrified he was. "Just give me a minute… ok?"

Narein touched that beautiful white hair. He hated the way it made the other boy recoil. "You don't want to do this…" he soothed. "It's fine… I tried to rush you into something you're not ready for. I'm sorry."

"No, I can do it!"

Allen looked at him with such eyes. "I'm not mad!" he snapped. "It's ok… I was moving things too fast. I'm the one at fault here…" Why did Allen look so hurt? "You're not ready for this stuff… it's not your fault, it's mine for pressuring you."

_Why do I keep making such bad mistakes? _He coaxed Allen back onto the pillows. Hopefully he would be alright with just sleeping here together. Narein had hoped for more, but that wasn't going to happen tonight. Allen wasn't ready. He would be patient. For Allen he could wait.

"No! I want to!" Allen tried desperately.

Narein sighed and took his hands. "No you don't. Don't say you do just because it's what I want."

"I want you to be happy." Allen looked flushed in the dim light of the room. "You're my best friend… what good am I if I can't make my best friend happy?"

Best friend, that part hurt. Narein didn't want Allen to be his best friend; he wanted Allen to be more. He wanted a lover. Allen didn't love him. He knew that, but he still tried this kind of thing again and again. It always ended like this with Narein unsatisfied and guilty and Allen crying. Allen was the type to do anything for his friends. If his best friend wanted to kiss him; he would let him. If his best friend wanted to touch him; he would panic, but he would let him. If his best friend tried for more; he would panic so badly that he would retch, but then he would force himself to allow it. That was what he was doing now. Narein was disgusted with himself.

This would be so much easier if Allen had been a girl like he originally thought. It explained why he had looked so confused the first time Narein kissed him. He lay down beside him and tried to put his arms around him. Allen flinched and tried to make himself smaller. It had been a long few months since the boy had come into his life and made it so complicated.

Narein had snuck inside the palace that day to watch Miena dance. She was so pretty. He applauded wildly as his sister finished her dance. He wasn't the only one. The entire room roared with thunderous approval. Miena was still in the background, but she was talented. She was going to be the best.

They had plans. She was going to dance on the grand stages of London and Narein was going to go with her. He studied hard everyday. He was going to go to medical school someday. They saved everything for that dream. They would be free there.

"Sis, you were great." He whispered. He glowed proudly at her from his hiding place in the servant's entrance as she walked by with the rest of the dancers. She couldn't make eye contact with him; not here. It wouldn't be appropriate. But she smiled when she passed.

Another reason he was looking forward to leaving; England didn't recognize their caste. They would be equals there, have all the same rights and freedoms as everyone else. Narein was so happy that a place like that existed in the world. He couldn't even be seen with his sister now. They had managed to keep her caste hidden. Everyone already knew he was an Untouchable, lowest of the low. His mere presence in the doorway was contaminating the whole room. If anyone caught him… he didn't want to think about the consequences. He absently touched the bandages on his arms. They were a constant reminder of the time he had been presumptuous enough to go above his station.

Narein knew how lucky he was. He cared for the animals of the palace, mostly cleaning up after them. Waste management was the destiny of most Untouchables as was disposal of the dead. It was hard dirty work but the grounds were spacious. He spent his days out in the warm sun. His skin was toasted a healthy brown. His wild hair was probably black originally but the sun had lightened it to a chocolate brown.

He was happy enough; but he knew there was a better life out there, just waiting for him to reach out and take it. Twenty years of being the bottom rung of society had been quite enough. As soon as they had the money, they were out of there.

The Lady of the house was incredibly kind to him despite his caste; as long as no one was there to see it. Publicly she had to treat him like everyone else would. She was well within her right to kick or spit on him and she had even been forced to do so once or twice. She always missed. She let him listen to her children's tutors from behind the patio doors. He learned English that way. She dropped books by the latrine for him to find while he cleaned. No one would touch them there; so, he was free to take them without reprisal. He learned to read. She helped him as much as she could. Only once she was able to do nothing. He shuddered and touched his arms again. He had been wearing the bandages for three years now.

Her child was hurt. Narein was seventeen at the time. She had taken notice of how well he treated the injuries and various ills of the animals. The hour was late and time was critical. The child was bleeding quickly and calling for a doctor would take longer than the girl had. The Lady called Narein.

"Please…" she had said. "Please save my daughter." She didn't beg or panic just ordered him. Narein had never been that deep within the palace. He was awed by its splendor. The little princess was just as lovely as a girl of her station should be. She had cut her thigh deeply in a fall. He cleaned it and stitched it closed. Narein stayed the night and the next day until he was certain she was fine.

Two days later he was publicly beaten for entering the palace. Not only had he been inside, but he had seen the princess nearly undressed and stayed in her bed chambers. The Lady had sat and watched the entire ordeal with a bored expression. His eyes pleaded with her for mercy. She didn't look. Later he learned it was her mercy that kept his punishers from plucking out his eyes. Her mercy that had the flesh torn from his legs and forearms rather than his hands and feet cut off. She knew this would happen if he went inside, yet she called him to treat her daughter. He suspected he would be in trouble, but he went willingly.

He couldn't move for days afterwards. Everything healed after the Lady secretly had him brought into the palace again and treated by an English doctor. The Lady herself brought him broth and fed him until his sister could be snuck in. She didn't apologize and Narein didn't expect her too. They both knew their place; it was just the way the world was.

The doctor who treated him was impressed by his intelligence and became his mentor. It was him who first suggested that he go to England to study. The Lady agreed. She increased the small stipend he was paid to care for her animals.

That was three years ago. Narein was never seen without the bandages on his arms and legs to cover his scars. He studied tirelessly. It was a monotonous life… until the return of the red haired man.

Narein had seen him before, years ago when he was young. He had never forgotten that strange appearance, still he was surprised. The man was the Lady's lover, though he never seemed to be around for long. It was none of his business, but he wondered if the princess was actually the man's child. She was born long after the Lady's husband had died.

This time though, the red haired man had brought a companion. Narein was instantly in love with her. She meekly followed behind the red haired man, pale eyes downcast like a proper woman. He had never seen eyes like that before. She was so beautiful; he was surprised the man didn't have her veiled to keep eyes like Narein's off of her. _She can't be his wife…_ he realized with a faint spark of hope. The man was here to see the Lady. He kissed her at the door. The girl must just be a concubine. He didn't know they took them in the west.

_So, that's what a western woman looks like…_ Narein was terribly curious about her. The clothes she wore were strange; they were probably traveling clothes. He imagined it would be hard to travel long distances in a proper dress. She wasn't very well developed either. He could see why men like the red haired one liked the women of his country. They had much nicer shapes. Maybe this one just hadn't finished growing yet. If Narein could get close enough, he would ask her age. If she would talk to him. There was no reason to expect she would even glance at an Untouchable like him.

He watched as the red haired swept the Lady off her pretty slippered feet and carried her inside. The girl started to follow, but her master kicked her hard and sent her sprawling to the floor. He shut the door on her.

Narein gripped the broom he was leaning on fiercely. Concubine or not, that wasn't proper behavior. She girl righted herself gracefully, as if that happened all the time. She glanced around briefly, examining her new surroundings and then sat on the steps. She rested her cheek on her hand. Narein sighed. He wanted to say something to her, but it wasn't his place to do so.

He turned and went back to work. Vaguely he could feel those pale eyes on his back. It made his heart flutter with excitement. He squared his shoulders at the thought of her watching. He hoped it made him look stronger; he hoped she was impressed. He let him mind drift off into a pleasant day dream in which that pretty concubine didn't belong to the red haired man. She'd fall madly in love with him and they could run off to England and live there freely. It was a nice thought but it would never happen. _She shouldn't even be looking at… don't stop looking at me, please._ He would have to put the thoughts of her out of his head. _It's not going to happen…_

"Hi." He jumped with surprise when she suddenly appeared next to him. She blinked those pale perfect eyes. He had never seen eyes that color; blue grey like those of the blind. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you… I was getting bored over there."

Narein just stared, unable to believe she had come over to speak with him. He was going to get in trouble, worse he was going to get her in trouble. He finally caught himself and averted his eyes; an Untouchable shouldn't even look at a lady of her station.

She had a scar on the side of her face. It didn't look like a normal wound. Narein worried that it had deliberately done. He hoped the red haired man hadn't given it to her. On anyone else that scar would have been ugly, disfiguring. On her it was beautiful. She was beautiful.

She made a little sound and covered the side of her face in embarrassment. He instantly felt guilty; she must have thought that was why he wasn't looking at her.

"My name's Allen." She smiled at him. He didn't know anything about western names, but it sounded nice. He worked to commit it to memory; he would be whispering it to himself at night for a long time. There was a long pause as she waited for him to respond. He didn't; he knew better than to talk to her. He watched her face fall from the corner of his eye and felt like dirt. "Sorry, no English huh?" she tried again in another language he didn't understand and then another. He forced himself to keep silent. "Sorry." She tried English again. "Didn't mean to bother you… I'll let you get back to what you're doing."

"Don't leave…" Narein finally broke. "My name is Narein. I'm glad you came to meet me and no you weren't bothering me at all. You're… very nice." He was rewarded with a smile like the sun. It made his knees weak and he had to sit down. Allen was instantly on the ground next to him. His heart skipped a beat. "Sorry I didn't answer earlier… I didn't want to get you in trouble with your master."

"How'd you know he's my master?" Allen seemed slightly surprised. "Never mind, I guess it's pretty obvious… gah, I don't wanna even think about it." she gave a little theatrical shudder. "I won't get in trouble. He doesn't care about me, not one bit." She didn't sound too upset.

Narein was almost relieved that the man wouldn't care if she was talking to him. Part of him still felt that this wasn't right. The red haired man needed to take better care of his things, but Narein didn't mind being there instead.

They chatted on every subject Narein could think of. He wanted to know everything about the girl. Allen had been an acrobat; no wonder she was so slender. She told him about her father and the other performers she'd lived with. They sounded wonderful. She didn't say how she ended up in the possession of the red haired man. He didn't ask. Narein was a little embarrassed that he didn't have anything exciting to try and impress her with. She seemed content to listen to everything he did have to say though.

"A doctor? Really?" she blessed him with another of those bright smiles. "That's great!" Allen leaned back into the sweet smelling grass, looking so perfect Narein could barely stand it. "I'm always getting hurt… master is a really evil guy. You can take care of me when I'm hurt. At least for however long we're here. It will be really good practice."

"How long are you going to be here?"

"It's hard to say. My master never tells me anything or when we're going somewhere. It usually just 'hey useless, go get me some money, because I'm terrible at handling it and I'll just blow it on booze and women'" Allen chuckled at her own impersonation of the red haired man.

"He makes you go out and earn money for him?!" that wasn't right. If Allen was his girl, he would be kind. She would never have to lift a pretty finger again. He stopped before he could think any further; it wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah. I hate him." She sighed. "I hope that now we're here he'll be too distracted and I'll get a break…" her face fell dramatically. "Who am I kidding… I bet by this time tomorrow I'll be out here working with you. Well, that won't be too bad… since we're already friends, right?" she looked up at him with a sweetly hopeful expression.

"Right… friends." Narein had to stop talking to her. It was only going to make things more painful in the end. "Hey Allen, this has been really nice. I like talking to you… a lot." _I love you_. "But…" _Please don't hate me_. "I'm no good… I'm an Untouchable."

Allen blinked up at him. "Untouchable?"

"Yeah, I was born one, can't be helped. You can't be seen around me. It will be bad for you… it will reflect badly on your master. I'm hardly a human…"

"So?"

"I don't think you understand…" Why was she making this so much more difficult than it needed to be? Narein couldn't bear to look at her.

"You look touchable." Allen was smiling; he could hear it in her voice. A finger poked him hard in the shoulder. "Yep, you're touchable alright." She poked him again.

"Ow…" he almost laughed. "But that's not what it means to be…" Allen pinched him hard.

"I know what you meant and I don't agree. I think that kinda thing is stupid. And if you actually believe that a word can tell you your limitations…" Allen fell back into the soft green grass, hands folded behind her head. "Then you're stupid too."

Narein was stunned. He hardly knew this girl and yet she had just turned his world upside down. _I love you… it's just a word. How can a word hold any power over you unless you let it… I want you…_ "You really don't care?" he asked, laying down next to her and completely forgetting his work.

"You are stupid." Allen rolled her eyes. "Look at me…" she pulled off one of the white gloves she wore to reveal dark red skin. Narein's breath hitched. She was deformed. "With this and my cursed face… I won't let something like a stupid word keep me from having friends where I can find them."

Narein was horribly impressed by her. He suddenly wanted to show her his own scars; she wouldn't think they were hideous like all the other girls did. Instead, he blurted out, "How old are you?" She was so smart, he couldn't help but ask.

"Not sure… I'm probably about fourteen. Might be more, might be less… but I feel about fourteen."

_That would make me six years older…_ At twenty, six years was a lifetime of difference. It did explain an awful lot though, like why Allen's body was still so boyish. Fourteen was an acceptable age for a girl to be in a relationship. Most girls here were married by then. Narein didn't feel too guilty about being so attracted to her. Less guilty when he thought about her master and how the red haired devil sent her out to make money for him. Maybe that was why she was so relaxed; she didn't have to worry about losing her innocence.

She didn't act much like a girl and Narein found it wonderfully refreshing. Allen didn't giggle or flutter about. She already called him stupid and pinched him. She had a natural grace that was unique to her alone; she just didn't move like a girl. Allen didn't try so hard like all the other girls he had met.

It would be months until he found out just how else Allen differed from the other girls.


	2. Chapter 2

My sincere thanks to everyone who reviewed. this story is a bit of a break from my usual doom and gloom. maybe that's why i'm updating so fast. i kind of see this whole story as a bit of a comedy of errors, where misunderstandings just seem to build and rebound off of each other. here is a short and silly chapter. i hope everyone enjoys it.

* * *

Narein was indulging in his most recent Allen-driven daydream when his sister came home. Automatically he got up to help her out of her robes. They were thick and cumbersome, but necessary. The world knew Narein had a sister, but not that she was a dancer at the palace. She kept her face and hair hidden under her veils in public when traveling about and running errands. No one could be allowed to make the connection between her and Narein. Their future depended on it.

"How was your day?" he asked her as he helped her unwind her long hair from its knot on her head.

"Fine… we practiced a new dance; I almost have all the steps down." She laughed. "At least I'm better than that pig Patel… she won't last long in the front. I'll be at the top any day now. How was your day, little brother? Have you kissed that Allen you keep talking about yet?"

He went bright red. "No…" Allen was either incredibly shy or teasing him on purpose. She would barely let him hold her hand. She would smile and giggle oddly, give his hand a quick squeeze then let go. He was going to mad from the lack of touch. Every part of him wanted to throw her to the floor and ravish her.

"Well, don't get discouraged." She messed his hair affectionately. "You're my cute little brother. She'll come around, just give her time." She breezed past him into the kitchen and started on supper. "I saw her today. She watched me dance. She was sitting on the floor at the red haired man's feet. I don't like him; he kicks her a lot. I don't even think she did anything to make him mad; he seems to just kick when he's bored." She peered around the corner. "We should have her over to eat; she's not getting enough to eat with him."

"We can't do that. You know it."

Miena made a thoughtful sound. "I think we could. She's very bright. Came right up to me when everyone else had left and asked if we were related… I nearly died of fright, but she swore to stay quiet. She said we have the same eyes. That's a good sign little brother, she knows what your eyes look like." She teased. "Besides, I already invited her and that's why I'm making curry rice."

"What?!" he blurted. "She's coming here?! Tonight?!"

"Relax little brother… it'll be just fine."

"No! It won't! It's a mess here! I don't have anything nice to wear! What if she's dressed up?" he sat down on the floor. "I can't even take her out on a proper date…" he rubbed his hands over his face in frustration.

His caring sister stomped out of the kitchen and smacked him with a spoon. "Stop that. If it's messy in here, then clean it. I doubt she would dress up; she doesn't seem the type…"

"I kinda wanna see her dressed up…" he mumbled. That had been one of his most recent fantasies, Allen in the traditional clothing of the women here. "I think she would be stunning…" he sounded like a love sick puppy. As much as he wanted to deny it, he was one.

"I'll lend her one of my dresses then." Miena smirked and went back to her cooking. Narein couldn't think very well after that; he silently went about cleaning the small living space they shared. He started to just throw things into his room, but thought better of it and cleaned properly.

There wasn't a lot of space; it was only two rooms with an open air kitchen on the patio. Miena had insisted he have the bedroom and she slept in the main room. During the day she kept her bedding in with Narein's. He couldn't help but wonder if Allen would see his room. He wanted her to. In his mind's eye he could see her, dressed in borrowed finery, her pale skin flushed, and her voice breathy and begging. The image helped him through the wait for her arrival.

He nearly leapt out of his skin when there was a hesitant knock on the door. Miena rolled her eyes at him and opened it. Allen peeked in. "Are you sure you don't mind?" she asked. "I can still go back if you changed your minds…" she stood uncertainly in the door frame. Narein wanted her so bad; it was just too cute. Miena steered her inside and sat her next to him. "Hi Narein!" she instantly brightened. "Your sister kinda talked me into dinner tonight… I can't say no to food." She looked at her feet. "She's a very good dancer… very pretty…"

Narein nearly told her that she was just as lovely, but curry rice had fully grabbed Allen's attention. They ate in silence, mostly just watching as Allen devoured everything put in front of her. Narein slid his half full plate towards her out of curiosity. She grinned happily. "This is so good!" the food vanished.

"How do you know it's good?" Narein stared. "Do you even taste it?"

She laughed. "My father used to ask the same thing… I'm always hungry. I don't know why. Maybe I have hollow legs… Mana used to say that too." Her face softened slightly. "I really miss him."

"I don't remember my parents." Narein offered. "I was pretty young when my mother died. I never knew my father. Miena has pretty much raised me." He could see both the girls smile at each other.

"Enough of this grim talk…" Miena started clearing the plates; Allen helped without asking. She dried the plates while Miena washed. "Allen, I want to dress you up…"

"What?!" Allen and Narein yelled in unison. Miena winked at her brother.

"It'll be fine… I know I have something that will fit you from when I was younger. I couldn't afford dolls when I was young so, I used to dress up Narein when he was little… so I'm sure you'll be fine."

"I don't know about this… it's weird…" Allen shifted nervously and stared at the floor.

"Nonsense…" Miena grabbed her arm and half dragged her to her wardrobe. "These… ah, the ones in the bottom here… these were my dancing dressing from when I was twelve. They should do."

"Narein…" Allen half cried. "Help meeee…"

"Sorry, she's my sister. I can't do a thing…" He smirked. "Except leave you to get dressed…" He whistled as he walked into the kitchen. He was going to owe his sister big for this. He wanted to see Allen dressed properly and she was making it happen. He listed to the sounds of a light struggle. His heart pounded and it was hard to think of anything other than the half naked Allen in the other room.

"I'm keeping those on!"

"It will mess up the lines of the skirt…"

"I don't care! That's not gonna happen!" there was a crash and a loud thud. "You're crazy, you know that?!" Allen's voice dropped as Miena said something to her to softly to be heard. "Fine…" Allen snapped. "But only cause it's you asking…"

Miena opened the door. "Come see your girl…" she hissed. "Be supportive… she really has no figure at all and she insisted on keeping those silly under shorts on."

Narein's breath caught in his chest. Shapely or not, Allen was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. His sister had done a good job. Allen was clad in soft violet silks. It complemented her pale skin. She hugged the veil about her body as if trying to cover up. The bangles on her arms clinked slightly when she moved. She was scowling unhappily, her pale face red. "Narein… you laugh at me and I'll kill you."

He smiled. "You look very pretty."

"Gah! Narein!"

"No really… you look great."

"Don't make fun of me… this is dumb. I don't wanna wear this thing; its weird." She was adorable when she's mad. Narein did laugh this time. "This isn't fair! How come I'm the only one dressed up? Narein, you have to do it too!"

"What?!" he wasn't laughing anymore.

"You should do it too. Miena said she used to dress you up… I think she should do it again. See how you like it!" she grinned wickedly.

Miena was the one laughing now. "Allen, that's a wonderful idea. Get over here now. What color do you like?"

Narein didn't stand a chance. His sister worked far too fast, pulling off his shirt and pants and leaving him embarrassingly bare for a moment. Before he could even form an argument, he was sitting by Allen in a green dress. "I suppose you think this is real funny…" he growled.

"Yeah. This is what you get for making me do it." Allen smirked. "You look pretty." She teased.

"I must say brother…" Miena fixed his veil. "I agree with Allen. You are quite pretty." She frowned slightly. "Neither of you know how to sit like ladies though. Narein put your knees together for goodness sake! Since you are all dressed up… I think I should teach you a dance." Allen giggled. "You too Allen… those clothes are a waste if you don't dance a bit."

"I kinda know the waltz…" Allen offered. "Mana taught it to me. He tried to teach me piano and then violin, but I was really bad at both…"

"The waltz is a western dance right?" Miena asked. "You should teach it to Narein when I'm done showing you a proper dance." She clapped her hands briskly. "Alright ladies, we don't have all night!"

"Don't I get any say in this?" Narein moaned.

"No." the girls answered unison; did all girls do that?

Allen learned quickly, copying Miena's every move gracefully. Narein tripped over his veil. He hoped that if he just did a poor enough job then they would let him stop. They were merciless and made him dance alone. Narein finally smiled; this was completely worth it. Allen's laugh was the best music he could ever hope for.

"Allen." Miena leaned in and touched her shoulder. "Show my no talent brother how to do your English dance… maybe you'll be a better teacher than I."

Allen approached him with just a hint of a smile on her face. "It's been awhile, so I might mess this up." She frowned. "Mana always led… but since you don't know any of it, I'll lead. You're already dressed like a girl anyways…"

"You make a much better girl than me…" Narein said lightly.

Allen rolled her eyes. "But you don't know the steps… so you be the girl." She placed one hand on his hip and electricity jolted through his veins. He started to copy her. "Nope… girl's hand on the shoulder." She clasped their other hands together. "This is how you lead… you kinda push your partner around. The music goes 'one, two, three, one, two, three.' No, look at my feet… gah, you're hopeless."

Narein didn't care; he was too happy just to touch her. He actually did try to learn though. He wondered if he could use this dance when they made it to England. He had a grand vision of going to the theater to watch his beloved sister perform; Allen on his arm. They would have dinner together, him a famous doctor and Allen free from the clutches of her master. It was an entertaining thought. Maybe the three of them could run away together.

Allen stayed much later than she had intended. Her master needed his clothing pressed and laid out for him in the morning before he woke. She apologized even as she tore out the door.

"Brother…" Miena said when the door shut behind Allen. "Sit down. I need to talk to you." He didn't like the seriousness in her voice. "Just how much do you know about Allen?"

"Enough to know I'm in love." He answered honestly.

"Even if she turns out to be something other than she seems, you would still feel the same?"

"Unconditionally, I love Allen."

Miena seemed appeased with that. "Allen is really very sweet. You're lucky to have met a person like that. Don't mess this up."


	3. Chapter 3

thanks to all my dear reviewers. i'm so glad this is meeting with such approval. i have most of this story written already; its just a matter of getting it all edited and posted.

sorry this is a short chapter. still i hope you all enjoy.

* * *

Allen watching was Narein's favorite pastime. He had plenty of time to do so as her master had indeed set her to work around the palace. They ate lunch together everyday. It was always entertaining. Narein had never seen a girl, or anyone else for that matter, eat so much. It didn't seem humanly possible.

Content as he was to just stare at her, he still wished to see a bit more of that pale skin.

"Hey Allen…" he almost put his food down to talk, but then he remembered that anything edible and not firmly held was fair game for the girl's amazing appetite. "I'm almost done with my duties for the day… it's so hot out; would you like to go swimming? I know a great spot… we can sneak off."

They'd been constant companions since her arrival. Narein was ready to tell her how he felt and see if she was interested. He had already tried being subtle but it just wasn't working. Miena had told him he was as subtle as an elephant; he couldn't be any more obvious, but Allen just didn't notice. He stared a little too long, hoping she would catch him looking. She didn't. He scooted closer every time they sat together. She didn't notice.

He was tired of it. Something needed to happen and soon. Swimming seemed like a good way to get things started. If Allen was of a like mind, swimming could mean no clothing.

"It is really hot… swimming sounds fun." She replied shyly.

"Let's go now then!" the unsure look on her face was enough to make him forget the few remaining chores of the day. The mere possibility of seeing Allen, maybe even having Allen, which had been the topic of all his dreams lately, was overwhelming.

He grabbed her hand, forgetting all about the remainder of his lunch and noting that Allen's had already vanished. He half dragged her until she fell into step along side him. Narein couldn't stop smiling; she was so athletic. They would get to the river in no time. The spot he had in mind was perfect, secluded, deep and cool.

Narein purposefully stumbled on the bank, bringing Allen toppling down with him. He didn't let go of her hand. It was calloused from work. Slender fingers squeezed his own briefly then let go. Listening to Allen pant next to him was thrilling. He was going to go crazy from the sound alone. Never had he so completely fallen for someone as he had for Allen. Everything about her enchanted him. _Please like me too…_ he prayed.

Allen started laughing, bright and breathless. "I forgot how fun running can be when nothing is chasing you." She gasped.

Narein rolled to his side to gaze at her. "What if I was the one chasing you? It would be fun if it was me." He grinned at her. He felt like he had already been chasing her for weeks. "And when I catch you, I get a prize."

"As if you could…" Allen sat up. "I've been chased thousands of times by things much bigger and worse than you."

"And you've never been caught?" he raised a skeptic eyebrow.

Allen blushed slightly. "Not if I don't want to be…"

"Then I'll be nice when I catch you…"

The girl stood and dusted off her backside. "_If_ you catch me." She corrected and took off like a bolt of lightening. Narein hauled himself up and tore after her. She was impossibly fast. There was no way he would have caught her; not in a million years.

He was lucky when she tripped on an exposed tree root. She rolled into the fall and came up on her feet with a bounce. It was a movement worthy of an acrobat like her, but the time it took cost her. Narein quickly threw his arms around her and tackled her to the ground.

"Ha!" he cheered triumphantly. "I win! Now you have to give me a prize." She squirmed under him. He had her pinned and he wasn't going to move.

"Great…" she rolled her pale eyes at him. "How many of your chores do I have to do?"

"None. I want one kiss." He dared to lean in and touch their foreheads together.

"You're stupid."

Narein ignored that and stole their first kiss. It was soft and chaste. He didn't want to scare her off and the way her hands pushed against his shoulders suggested that she was a bit surprised.

"You really are stupid, Narein." Allen pushed him away. "I just wanted to go swimming… you're gonna ruin everything…" They walked back in awkward silence. "I'm not mad." Allen finally spoke. "Really, I'm not… so don't be mad at me Narein." She glanced at him. "I think I'd be really lonely here without you."

"I like you Allen." He confessed.

"I like you too." Allen smiled.

At the water's edge Narein pulled off his sweaty shirt and baggy shorts. He jumped into the cool water clad only in his underwear. Allen stared at him before sitting and pulling off her boots and socks. "How old are you Narein?" she asked red faced.

"I'm twenty." He smiled back, enjoying the look of embarrassment on her sweet face.

"Oh." She said softly. "You're all grown up… just you aren't that much taller than me. I kinda thought you were my age."

Narein swam to the bank. "Is that a problem?" he really hoped it wasn't, after all her master was much older than them both.

"No, I guess not… you just must think I'm a silly kid…"

"That's not a problem at all. I don't think you're a silly kid. I really like you." _I love you… _he added silently. With a broad grin, he splashed her. "You coming in or what?"

Allen stripped down to her shirt and boxers. "I'm keeping my shirt…" she said nervously. "It's embarrassing."

"It's gonna weigh you down in the water… besides it's just me here…" Narein smiled reassuringly. _Please take it off; I want to see you…_ "Nobody else comes around here. I won't say a thing." Allen still looked worried, but she fiddled with the buttons.

"Ah no! It's ugly… I can't, not outside…"

Narein's heart raced. She was more worried about her arm showing than her chest. Allen was so different than all the other girls he had met. "I'm sure its not… I wanna see it." Allen looked at him horrified. "I'm going to be a doctor someday, so it's ok."

"Fine." Allen conceded. "But turn around… its weird with you watching me like this."

That seemed like a fair price to pay. Narein turned his back and listened to the exciting rustle of fabric and the small splash as the girl jumped in behind him. He turned and looked at the pale bare shoulders that showed over the water. Allen was flushed a bright red; she wouldn't make eye contact. He wondered if he had pushed her too far today already. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to keep pushing and hold her tight. He didn't; he thanked the water for being so cold and swam for a bit. He would wait for her to become comfortable.

Water caught him unexpectedly in the face. "War!" Allen declared brightly with another splash. Narein chuckled and splashed her right back. He grabbed her around her slim waist and dunked her. They tussled and battled roughly in the cool water. Narein dunked her like she was another boy. He loved that he could play so roughly with her like this. Other girls would object but she laughed the whole time.

Narein ducked under the water for a quick escape and surfaced behind her. Almost automatically his arms wrapped around her and he rested his chin on her shoulder. She smelled wonderful, like vanilla and cinnamon. It was subtle but distinctly her.

Allen laughed, but it sounded forced. Those slender finders danced nervously over his arms, unsure whether to hold on or push away. "You're being weird again…" she finally said. "It's embarrassing…"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about Allen." Water from her white hair was dripping onto his suddenly overheated face. Each drop traced a new path across his face, cold and exciting. "It's just me here…" he desperately fought the urge to nuzzle and kiss the soft and intoxicating skin of her neck. "I like you."

"You're my best friend." Allen had decided to try and move away. "Stop being weird, ok!"

Narein moved his hand to where Allen's arm turned red. "This is a beautiful thing." She froze completely as Narein ran his hand reverently over her skin. "You are beautiful…" he breathed.

"Don't call me that…" Allen hissed. "Narein, you really are gonna ruin everything!"

"I like you."

"Don't say things like that!" she elbowed him in the stomach and pulled away, visibly upset. He reached for her. "No, don't touch me… just don't! What is wrong with you?! First you kiss me, and then you grab me and start saying weird things… I don't like it!" she stormed out of the water as she ranted.

"Allen… wait!"

"I'm not some girl so don't treat me like one!"

Wait, what? Narein stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. _I've just made a huge mistake… _


	4. Chapter 4

sorry for the delay in updates. i had been stunned into a near coma state by the latest few chapters of the manga. i hope you all enjoy.

* * *

Her, no his eyes widened. "You thought…" he stammered. "You… you thought I was a girl, didn't you?" Allen grabbed his clothes and hugged them against his body protectively. "You're so stupid… I'm so stupid; all this time you were nice to me because you thought I was something else!"

Narein was frozen in place. Allen was a boy. His stomach turned unpleasantly. All those nights he'd lay awake he'd been imagining a boy. _I'm so messed up…_ His treasured Allen was a boy; and now that boy was crying. _I made him cry…_ he thought dumbly. _Oh man I really upset him; I'm dirt…what am I supposed to do now?! _Narein regarded him carefully. He wasn't any different than he was before; he looked the same, moved the same, and sounded the same. _Except he's a boy…_ Only Narein's perception was changed.

A lot of little things suddenly made sense. Of course Allen didn't notice his pathetic attempts at flirting. He didn't know to look for it. Of course he didn't want to let Miena dress him like a proper woman. He wasn't a woman. Of course he was surprised and shocked when Narein kissed him. Who kisses their best friend? Of course he always pulled away when Narein tried to hold his hand. But, then again, he never pulled away too fast. He always gave his hand a quick reassuring squeeze before he did; and he never minded letting him lean against him. _Allen's so nice to touch… his mouth is, wow. I liked kissing him. I really liked it…_

The little matter of Allen's sex should have made a difference; Narein was totally, pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't.

Allen had become so thoroughly ingrained in his heart, that he found he didn't care about the details. He had no interest in men, but loved Allen; that much was certain. He loved him for who he was. It was just a little different than expected, that's all. He would have to adjust. He didn't know the first thing about courting a boy and even less about how to bed one but if it was Allen he would figure it out.

"Allen don't go!" with renewed resolve he charged out of the water and after him. He grabbed his hand. _I love this hand…_ "I like you!" he hated the desperation in his voice. "I never thought you were a girl…" he would lie if it kept Allen by his side. "I didn't like you because I thought you were anything but you. I didn't mean to treat you like a girl… I just didn't know how else to show you how much you mean to me!"

"I'm not a girl…" Allen repeated unhappily and rubbed his eyes. "You wanted to be my friend because you thought I was a girl. Now you're gonna leave me cause I'm not what you wanted…"

Narein sighed. "Allen _you are _what I want…" _he's scared I'm not going to be his friend anymore. _In some dark corner of his mind, he knew that he was going to take advantage of that. He would use that fear to bind Allen to him. "If you still want to be friends… let me kiss you again." Guilt settled over him like a thick blanket as Allen made a high worried sound.

"Cause we're friends, right? Friends kiss each other here?"

"Yes…" Narein dared to move closer. "Friends kiss; it's perfectly normal." Narein was worse than dirt, but it was worth it. Allen would get used to it, given enough time he would be comfortable with it. Narein just had to go slow. Allen was worth it.

Taking the boy's silence as consent, he leaned in and took Allen's face in his hands. His skin was so soft. Narein was painfully aware of how little clothing they were wearing. Water still streamed from Allen's white hair. He kissed him carefully, taking his time. Allen's hands were on his shoulders, lightly pushing at him; he was shaking. Narein ignored it and tried to deepen that kiss. Allen went rigid with fright, a high panicked sound escaping as Narein pushed his tongue past those pale lips. The boy was crying when he pulled away.

"That bad, huh?" Narein sighed with a lopsided grin. _Please let me… how do I show you what I feel?_

Allen shook his head. He wouldn't look at him. "Not bad… just bad." He shivered slightly. "I'm scared."

"Why?" Narein fought the urge to embrace him and lost. Allen didn't hug back; he just stood perfectly still. "It's just me… you know me." Allen's thin body was incredibly tense; Narein rubbed little circles on his back. _So soft…_ "I would never do anything to hurt you. I like you Allen."

"I like you too." Allen mumbled. "Please, let me go now."

Narein sighed. They were talking about two very different kinds of like. Allen wasn't interested; he was terrified. He dropped his arms instantly when Allen asked him to let go and stepped back.

"Hey Allen…" Something about this didn't feel right. Narein pulled his hand through his wet brown hair; he was determined not to force him. It was taking all his will power, but he was going to let Allen make his own decision. "It's ok… really if you don't like me…"

Allen didn't let him finish. He meant to say 'if you don't like me like that, then we'll just be friends.' Instead the boy had darted forward and threw his thin arms around his neck. Narein was too surprised to say anything else.

"No! It's not that, you're my best friend!" Allen said firmly. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. Narein moved and absently encircled his waist, delighting in the sensation of damp skin against his. Allen's breath tickled the side of his neck as he spoke. "I'll do what you want… just don't stop being my friend." His voice was soft, but it wasn't weak.

Narein smiled despite himself and let his noble intensions slid away. _Well, if Allen was willing… _He sat down on the soft grass bringing the other down with him. Narein guided Allen to sit on his lap and felt those pale legs brush along his sides. _Just a little bit… _He stole another kiss and laced their fingers together.

"Narein…" Allen hissed and halted all movement. "I don't like this. Let me up ok?" Narein nodded and released him. The boy shot backwards as if he'd been burned. Those pale eyes were far too wide. "Let's go back…" he mumbled and quickly started pulling on his clothes.

The boy was silent as they walked back to the palace grounds. Narein was sure he hated him now. He wouldn't really blame him if he did. This was all too confusing. "Allen?" he started, not even sure of what he wanted to say.

"I don't hate you."

Narein grinned. _How does he always seem to know what I'm thinking? Am I that easy to read?_

"I'm just scared, that's all." Allen admitted. "I don't like it…that kinda stuff, it hurts." His soft voice dropped down to a whisper. "Now that I know what you want… I'm scared."

Narein nodded with understanding. This was all new to him as well; he was scared of how he felt too. "I won't hurt you…" he assured him. Allen shot him an unconvinced look. "Does your master hurt you?" That notion had been bothering him for awhile; Narein couldn't bear the thought of that red haired devil even touching his Allen.

Allen choked. "Not like that! God, Narein!" Allen made a sick face. "He's evil but… ugh."

Narein shrank back a bit. He had gone all this time thinking sweet Allen was the devil's concubine. He should have known better than to assume. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Allen cut him off again.

"I'm his apprentice… he's training me to be an Exorcist. And you are really stupid." Allen flashed him a weak half grin. "And 'Allen' is a boy's name."

"How was I supposed to know that…? I'd never heard it before."

"I'd never heard 'Narein' before and I still knew you were a boy."

"Well," Narein snipped, feeling a bit defensive. "I'm a little more obvious about it."

Allen shoved him with enough force to knock him down. "You're a real idiot you know!" he yelled before taking off.

Narein sat where he landed. _I have really messed this up…_ He played back everything that had happened in his mind again and again, trying to figure out all the moments where he could have handled things better. Instead his mind decided to replay the sensations of Allen's bare chest against his own. Narein swore.

He thought about what it would mean for him to love Allen; he couldn't figure out where he fit in. Hijras crossed his mind, but he knew he wasn't one of those odd things. They acted as women and danced obscenely at weddings, but otherwise kept to themselves. Allen was from a country that didn't even have them, so he couldn't be one either. He was pretty sure he wasn't a kothi either. There was nothing feminine to his looks or actions. He raised an eyebrow as he considered it. Allen might be one of those. But it didn't seem like he was doing it on purpose. The boy wasn't acting as a girl; he was just naturally gentle, kind and soft spoken. Narein sighed and rubbed his eyes; there were just too many words, making too little sense. He stayed there until dusk when he was sure he wouldn't see Allen before walking back.

"Miena!" The first thing Narein did upon arriving home was call for the only other person he could talk to. He screamed her name again. If any one could help him understand the confusing jumble in his mind, it would be his dear sister. "MIENA!"

"What?!" she flew out of the kitchen at the sound of his pained voice. "Narein?" Concern etched on her pretty face, she grabbed his shoulders and stated looking for injuries. "Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine…" _at least physically_ he frowned. _The rest of me may just be messed up beyond repair… _

Miena sighed with relief and cuffed him. "Then why did you come in here yelling like you lost a limb?!" she hugged him as she relaxed. "You really scared me there brother… I thought my heart was going to burst with all the excitement. Don't do that to me again."

"Ok…" he agreed numbly and let his sister lead him across the room to sit.

"Now…" she smiled fondly. "Tell me what's wrong?"

Narein didn't know where to start. How was he supposed to tell her that he was in love with a boy? He had trouble just saying it to himself. "… everything…" he finally sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Alright…" she said smoothly. "I'm going to get you a cup of tea. Take a minute and calm down." She gave his shoulder a comforting pat and went back to the kitchen.

Narein wondered if he could even say it to her. Surely she would understand; she met Allen and already approved. It was so much easier to think about when the boy was right there before him. All he had to do was look at those strange pale eyes and he knew what he felt was something real, something important. Out here, away from Allen's intoxicating presence, he felt nervous and sick.

"Allen's a boy!" he blurted out abruptly as Miena returned.

"Oh!" Miena blinked in surprise at his outburst. Then she did something Narein never expected. She smiled at him. "Did you figure that out on your own or did he tell you?"

"You knew?" he took the cup of tea she offered and stared at her. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"

She smiled. "Don't feel bad… I wasn't sure at first. I figured it out when he came over to eat with us and I dressed him up. I knew right away when he didn't was change out of those silly under shorts."

"I am so stupid…" Narein moaned, feeling disgusted with himself.

"No you're not stupid…" she echoed and sipped her tea. "You just weren't paying close enough attention." She looked him in the eye. "Remember… that night I asked you about how you felt for Allen… even if he was different than what he seemed."

"Yes… but you did say 'she' not 'he'…"

"And what did you tell me?"

"That I loved Allen." He couldn't seem to look at his sister. This was so embarrassing.

"And do you still feel that way?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't see where the problem is…" Miena replied. Narein let a smile creep onto his face. She was giving her permission. He didn't need permission but he was glad to have it anyways.

"Thanks… its all just words isn't it?" harmless words.

"One more thing…" Miena said a touch of seriousness in her voice. "It's best if you get these behaviors out of your system here and soon, while you can get away with it. When we get to England… courting other men will not be tolerated; especially if you want to be a respectable doctor."

She left Narein sitting alone with the distinct impression of not being understood at all. "But…" he whispered. "It's not 'other men'… I only love Allen."


	5. Chapter 5

another long overdue update. this chapter gave me a great deal of trouble; my imagination ran wild and i wrote a large chunk of text that may or may not ever be uploaded. i like it so i can't just throw it out, but dear allen is way out of character. perhaps i just wanted to test myself to see if i could write something like that. i need some feedback, how far do you think these guys should go? i can say that all the way (ie a rating changing sex scene) will not happen. but how far is believable?

warning: some swearing and fooling around.

* * *

Allen avoided him for a whole week. Narein was ready to pull his hair out in frustration by the time Allen decided to re-approach him. Naturally the first thing he did was push the boy too far and too fast.

Within the first day he had already coaxed the overly trusting boy back to his room and on to his bed. He had been far too forceful; he knew that now. It was just kissing, but Allen had, for just a moment, tried to kiss him back. It was so sweet and lit a fire in Narein's blood. It wasn't enough to just kiss anymore and Narein pushed further. Allen didn't object, didn't fight when he unbuttoned his shirt. The boy only went passive and still, scarcely breathing. If Narein had bothered to look at his eyes, he would have seen that they stared at nothing. Instead he made the mistake of touching his hips.

Allen reacted violently, springing to life and arching hard enough to throw him off. An elbow caught him hard in the stomach and Allen was gone again. It took another week of avoidances and an injury to bring the boy back.

The first thing Narein noticed that day was that Allen was limping badly. He heavily favored one leg and wobbled when he walked. His first impulse was to run to his side and carry him, but Allen was probably still mad at him. He forced himself to wait for the other's approach.

"I hurt my ankle." Allen sighed unhappily.

"How did you do that?" at least Allen was talking to him again.

"I was cleaning up on the roof… I kinda fell off." He smiled sheepishly and Narein laughed. How someone so graceful could be so clumsy at the same time was beyond him.

"Well, let me take a look. I want to make sure it's not broken." His heart skipped a beat as he pulled the laces of his boot and freed his foot. He pushed up Allen's pant leg, taking much longer than necessary just for the chance to feel some bare skin. He pressed on the offending area.

"Ouch!" Allen winced.

"Sorry… just try and bear it a little longer." The bone seemed solid enough. "Doesn't seem to be broken… it's probably just a nasty sprain. Try and keep your weight off it for a few days and let me know if it starts to get worse."

"Thanks." Allen sat in the grass beside him. Narein cautiously hoped that Allen had decided to forgive him. "Um… I have some other injuries…would you take a look at those too?" he tugged up the edge of his shirt to show a dark bruise. "Master does not like to be woken up early… he stopped drinking for some reason and he's been really mad. I don't follow directions well."

"Let me see." Narein ordered.

"Not here…" Allen hurriedly fixed his shirt and blushed. "Your room…"

"Why?" Narein ventured a touch to Allen's cheek. This sounded an awful lot like forgiveness.

"You look sad all the time… it's my fault." Allen set his hand over Narein's holding it in place though his face was stricken. "I'll try… don't make me say it. I want you to be happy."

"Allen you make me so happy. Come to my room, ok?" Allen swallowed hard and nodded. "Don't look so worried… I just want to spend some time with you; its not like I'm going to try anything. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"Not on purpose…" Allen replied softly. "But it will…"

It worried Narein when he spoke like that. Allen seemed to know things he didn't. It shouldn't be like that. He didn't press the issue, but if Allen ever wanted to talk, he would be right there to listen.

He brought Allen to his room and set up a stack of pillows at the foot of the bed. "Let's get your leg up here… that will help keep the swelling down." He helped the boy settle. "Comfy?" Allen nodded though he looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Good…" Narein brushed a loose strand of white hair from his face. He frowned. "Are you really ok? I wanna check those bruises, but other than that I'm fine with just sitting here with you. We don't _have_ to do anything you know… it's your choice."

"It never is; I don't like it… but I like you. I know you want this so… I'm trying Narein. I really am…"

"Allen I've already told you, I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to. I like you too much…"

"You shouldn't. I'm really messed up... or maybe you figured that out already and that's why you like me… easy pickings, already broken in." Allen turned his head to face the wall. "I almost died once, twice… almost bled to death. So bad… so bad I became _unusable_. I couldn't even cry… just lay there and waited to die."

Narein couldn't say a word. This explained a lot. It was too horrible to even think about. "Allen," he said firmly. "I will _never use_ you! You don't use people you love and I love you. What I want to do is to make us both feel good. It's supposed to be a show of how much we care for each other." Allen was staring hard at his face, checking for any hint of a lie. "I won't do the things that hurt you. Trust me, I'd never let you hurt. Let me show you what it's supposed to be like. I want to write over the bad memories with good." He placed a hand flat on his chest; his heart was racing. "Sorry…" he sighed. "I said I wouldn't act weird and the first thing I do is freak you out. No pressure ok." _I'll wait for you to be ready… _

"If it hurts…"

"I won't do it."

"If I say no to anything…"

"I'll stop immediately."

"If I don't want to…"

"I won't make you." He carefully ran his hand up and down the boy's side. "Trust me. You'll always have complete control here. Tell me anything you don't want and I'll know not to do it."

"Ok…I'll try, just..." Allen sniffed, betraying how nervous he still was. "Nothing in me… not my mouth or anything, no fingers, not even your tongue… ok?"

"That's fine." Narein would willingly follow any rule the boy felt like setting. Allen was worth the wait. Slowly breaking down those remaining barriers between them would be part of the fun. He laid down beside him for a quick peck on the cheek. "Love you…" he breathed.

"Wait!" Allen snapped and pushed hard on Narein's shoulders. "You don't… don't hold me down. I wanna be able to get up and leave any time." He blinked nervously as he thought. "My clothes stay on." He said firmly.

Narein raised an eyebrow. "All of them?" he tugged a finger through the belt loop of his pants. "Loose these…keep the boxers." He added quickly when Allen glared at him. "That's what I'm doing… its way too hot for them." He felt the boy's forehead. It was burning up; Allen almost always felt to warm to be healthy. "You're gonna overheat… that's a medical opinion."

Allen made an unhappy sound, but complied. Quickly he slid the thick fabric down, not objecting when Narein helped him maneuver them over his sore ankle. "My shirt stays." He commanded.

Narein wasn't going to get irritated. Just getting this far was an accomplishment; he couldn't mess it up now. "At least let me unbutton it…"

"Do you have to?"

"You want me to work around it?" he sighed. "I do want to check those bruises…"

"And if I say stop… to anything…" Narein smiled and nodded. That seemed to visibly relax him a bit. He tried to smile but quit half way through and turned his face to the wall. "Just… do what you want." He said in an almost bored voice.

Narein did. It was disturbing. Allen didn't respond, not a sound, not a movement. His breath had hitched at Narein's first gentle touch but quickly became even, slow and steady. It was as if no one was there; no one was touching him. Narein gave a frustrated sigh and slid off of him. _What did I expect… I should be grateful he's not panicking or throwing up_. "Allen," _I love you… can't you see how much I love you?_ "Allen, do you want to stop? We can stop. Are you ok?"

"Fine." He replied, his voiced lightly stressed.

Narein rubbed his face; he had to face the truth. "You're not really… enjoying any of this are you?"

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah…" Narein blinked with surprise. "Just being around you makes me happy."

"Then I'm fine!" Allen spit.

Narein carefully took his chin and tried to turn that pale face to look at him. "It's not just about me… I want you to enjoy the things I… the things _we_ do together." Allen didn't meet his eyes, choosing instead some place over his shoulder to stare. The boy wasn't really participating in any of this. "I want you to enjoy when I touch you… and someday for you to enjoy touching me back."

"Will you be happy if I touch you?" Allen ran a hand over his shoulder. It was soft, gentle, and tender in all the ways Narein could hope for. It was also unnatural, mechanical and completely void of emotion. It was the touch of hands that knew what to do, regardless of what the heart or mind felt.

"I would if you meant it!" Narein snapped, irritation leaking into his voice. "I want you to want it! Because you really do, not because I want you to! I want you to enjoy it…"

"Narein," Allen sat up and looked him fully in the eye. "What makes you think that I could possible enjoy this?" Narein swallowed hard; Allen was slowing and steadily going to break his heart. His words stung; his pale eyes were warm with affection, but there was no love there. No love, there was only a desperation to please. "I'm trying…" Allen sighed; as if he knew he had hurt the other boy. "I'm letting you. I'm not running and I'm not fighting. It's ok because I know you would stop if I asked." He turned his face back to the wall and grabbed a fistful of blanket with white knuckles. "You haven't done anything painful yet. You're kind and gentle with me… so I'm not going to fight you."

Narein was suddenly repulsed by the whole situation. There was a strange timber in his voice, a kind of quiet resignation. As if he really had no control over events and had choose the path of least resistance. The way Allen was talking made it sound like… Narein couldn't even think of how to describe it. He was a human being, not a doll to be used. It was violation, not love. "Allen I'm not going to force you!"

"You're not forcing me, so don't worry about it. I just have to _force myself_ not to fight. Do what you want to… for your happiness, that's why I'm here. I want you to be happy. It's enough for me if my friend is happy." Narein was horrified. This wasn't his Allen. He never wanted him to act like this. "Narein… say something, or do something. You're being too quiet… it scares me. I need to work tomorrow… I'm gonna want a bath, a hot bath before bed too, so please. I can do this but you have to do something soon or I might get scared." The hand gripping the sheet was shaking. "Narein… please. I don't want to forget that it's you here. I can only be brave like this for so long… you gotta do something before I change my mind!"

"Fine damn it!" Narein swore. He didn't mean to but Allen had begun acting far too strange for him to ignore. He shoved him over, grabbing thin shoulders and flipping him onto his stomach. Allen shrieked wildly. Before he could move, Narein sat on him. "Allen you are _not ok with this are you_?!" he growled.

"Narein!" he yelped, his terrified voice cut the other to the core. "Stop now! Said you'd stop if I asked you to! So stop!"

"Calm down…" Narein leaned down to whisper in his ear. "I'm not even doing any thing." _I don't think I'll ever be able to after this either…_

"You're… gah! Narein… trapped meee…. I want up!" he howled plaintively. "I wasn't gonna run cause you _weren't gonna do this_! Not like this! You don't have to… to _hold me down_; I wasn't gonna fight back, Narein… why do you have to be so much bigger than me?!" he went very still suddenly; his voice dropping to a whisper. "Narein, get off of me now."

The change in tone frightened him. Allen seemed to realize that he wasn't helpless. Narein wasn't that much bigger than him; Allen could beat him in an honest fight. He wasn't scared now, just very angry. "Calm down first…"

"That's a little difficult with you sitting on me." The boy growled.

"I like this you much better than the other one…" Narein smiled tightly. "You were scaring me Allen… I'm glad your back. What happened there?" wherever the boy he knew had gone, he was back now. "You weren't you. It was like a puppet or a doll or something… you were asking me for things I _know_ you don't want."

"I… oh my God…" Allen pushed his face into the pillow and mumbled a fast and muffled string of words. Narein didn't catch most of them; just that Allen hated 'the doll' and 'didn't know he still could do it.' He slid down till he was sitting on his thin thighs. "Off me now. I swear to God… if you don't let me up right now…"

"I'm not going to do anything…"

"Sorry if I don't believe you!"

"If I had just wanted a quick fuck, I would have done something already! Why would I bother to bring you back to yourself if that was all I wanted?! Do I want sex? Yes of course I do… I think about it so many times a day it's amazing that I get anything done! All guys are like that! Am I going to act on that impulse? No! Of course not… because I'm not a monster and _you're not ready_. And even if you were completely willing, I still wouldn't because you're too young. A few years from now, if your interested, I'd would love the chance to see how far we could go together; but I'd never forgive myself if I convinced you to do it now. Emotionally you're not ready for things like sex."

"What do you call that stuff earlier, then?" Allen snapped.

"That's not sex… it's just fooling around, making out." Narein hoped he could explain. "It doesn't have to lead to any thing serious. Its just enjoying each other's company and touch… it helps you learn what you like and what your partner likes. It's relaxing… fun."

"How can that possibly be fun?"

Narein frowned; Allen was a ball of tension under him, a spring too tightly coiled. "Relax…I'll show you." Narein soothed as he pushed both palms into the tense little shoulder before him and started kneading. Carefully he worked to loosen the knots in the boy's muscles. "You're way too tense…" Allen had gone silent again. His face was red. "See not all touching means sex… this will make you feel good too. That's what I mean about enjoying another's touch."

"Well, why didn't you just say that?" Allen grumbled. "This is… ok."

"I would have… but you went all puppet on me." Narein grinned. This was much better. They were talking like normal again.

Allen made a worried noise. "Was I really… acting like that? I was talking and everything?" Narein hummed an affirmative. "God…" the boy sighed. "Can we not talk about that anymore… or ever again? It's a survival thing… Mana told me that I did it a lot when I was little. He was always there, holding on to me so I could find my way back. It was always scary. If something was too similar or I was scared… I would just, I don't know…"

"Shut down?" Narein supplied. "I think I understand… shit." He lay down across Allen's back and gently kissed the back of his neck. "I must have had you really scared… I'll be more careful." He sat back up and continued to work on the pale shoulders. "I never want to see you like that again."

Allen sighed happily and Narein's heart soared at the sound. "Now you can't tell me you don't like this…"

"Not bad." Allen conceded. "Just wish you weren't sitting on me."

"I can't trust you not to move." Narein grinned as Allen made a noncommittal noise. At least he had calmed down. Narein steadily worked on relaxing the stressed little body under his hands. This would be enough, he decided. _Just being able to touch you like this is fine… I can live with this. _It was as far as he was going to get right now and he was going to be content with it. Allen even moved his arms enough for him to fully remove his shirt. His skin was so white against the faded colors of Narein's bedding.

He worked quietly until his hands were sore. Allen's breathing had evened to a natural and steady rhythm as the last bits of tension were eased out of his muscles. Much to Narein's delight, the boy had started to forget himself and make soft little pleasured sounds. Each one sent a jolt of excitement up Narein's spine.

"Hey…" Allen sighed. "Move over now… my leg's asleep." Narein frowned but slid over to the boy's side; he helped him rearrange the pillows under his ankle. Allen was watching him carefully. "I feel better… thanks." He nervously chewed on a black fingernail. It was adorable.

"If you want to… you can sleep in here tonight. I'll sleep on the floor if you'd be more comfortable." Narein wanted more than anything to throw his arms over the boy and never let him go, but he couldn't risk undoing the little bit of progress he had made tonight. The floor was good enough for him.

As he settled into his space on the floor the situation struck him as odd. While the difference in age hadn't bothered him at all when he believed Allen was a girl, it felt like a major issue now. True girls here were almost always married by that age; somehow it just seemed different when it came to another boy. _It's not natural actions for two boys…_ he reflected. _It's much more complicated… a girl knows what to expect. Just how long is the red haired man gonna keep him here?! I'm never gonna get a chance… unless when big sis and I leave for England Allen comes with us_. Narein resolved to free Allen from the clutches of his cruel master.


	6. Chapter 6

sorry for taking so long to update anything. here's a long chapter to make up for it. this story is nearing the end. i feel maybe one or two chapters away. please enjoy.

warning: contains adult themes, a guest appearence of the good general cross, narein misunderstanding everything he says to him and heartbreak.

also, i plan on covering narein's conversation with cross from the other's perspective in his story. it should be funny if you read both.

* * *

For days Narein had meditated on just how he could free his dear Allen from the man he called Master. As far as he could tell the red haired man had no redeeming qualities; there was nothing he could possible have to teach that would be worth Allen staying with him. His sister kept subtly suggesting that it was a fool's errand. She was probably right; she usually was about such things and Allen wasn't speaking to him… again. He would give anything to talk to him; he needed to explain the love mark he had accidentally given him.

He had gotten a little carried away yesterday. Allen was feeling generous and letting him kiss him during lunch. As usual, Narein had been the only one doing the kissing; he sat behind the other boy, rubbing tense shoulders and peppering the back of his neck with little kisses. Allen liked backrubs. Narein was happy to give them anytime they had time together. But he went too far; Narein kissed a little too hard on his neck and left a mark. Allen turned like lightening and struck him hard enough to split his lip.

_I deserve this…_ he thought as he swept the leaves from one of the garden paths. How could someone make him feel so happy and so miserable at the same time? His tongue prodded the little cut on his lip. Figures, he gave Allen a hickey and he got a split lip.

A heavy hand clapped down on his shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts. He jumped but the hand didn't budge; it steered him forward. "Let's find some nice place out of this damn sun…" the red haired man said calmly. He smelled of alcohol, but he was sober. "We need to have us a little talk… man to man." He chuckled darkly and pushed Narein into the nearest open door, the garden shed.

Narein stumbled forward, nearly falling. He growled and clutched his broom defensively. He had never been this close to the red haired man before. He was terrifying. He couldn't imagine how Allen could handle being around him all the time. The man shut the door behind him; Narein was effectively trapped.

"Calm down boy…" he growled briskly. "I just said we're going to have a little talk… so far, I've got no reason to beat the living shit out of you." That didn't sound right. Narein's heart jumped and lodged in his throat. He was in trouble. Heavy boots thumped across the floor and past him. The man pulled an unused garden table and two chairs from the corner of the shed. "Come on. Have a seat." Cautiously Narein complied and sat across from the man. He stared at the boy making him increasingly uncomfortable. Narein fidgeted under the hard gaze; he felt as if he was a criminal and the man was waiting for him to confess all his wrongs.

They sat in silence until Narein couldn't stand it any longer. "What do you want?!" he finally snapped. The edges of the man's lips curved into a quick smile that vanished as soon as it appeared.

"I want…" he smirked unpleasantly. "To know just what on God's green earth is going on between you and my apprentice…"

Narein could actually feel the color drain from his face. He was in trouble; he snuck a glance to the door. It was blocked. He hadn't noticed when the man did it, but it was too late now; he was trapped in here with a demon. "Nothing…" he whispered. "There's nothing going on." He was met with a glare. "Really!" Narein protested. He wondered if he could make it to the door before the man. It didn't matter; running now would be like an admission of guilt. Allen must have said something.

The man smiled like broken glass, bright and sharp. He knew everything and now Narein was caught in a lie. That man was going to hurt him. What could Allen have possible told him?

"You're not very bright…" the man drawled. "Don't lie to me of all people… I'm the king of bullshit." He snorted in amusement. "You left marks on him." he pulled off his wide brimmed hat and ran a hand through his offensively red hair. "Obvious marks… what? Did you think I wouldn't notice that shit? The little idiot keeps coming in late, usually upset; it wakes me up! I'm behind in my work… work that requires a God damned abstinence program! No wine, no sex, no cigarettes, no sex, no wine until everything is finished! Do you have any idea how difficult that is?! And I have to deal with an upset kid… I'm thinking this is your fault."

Narein couldn't speak. He stared at the table and wished the ground would open and swallow him whole. _Allen's that upset? I've been making him miserable too?_

"Look…" the man said in a tone that tried valiantly to be sympathetic. "I not mad at you… or at Allen about this." He was clearly furious, but Narein didn't think it wise to say anything. "I remember what it's like at your age… and hell, even in my weaker moments I've considered the kid as an option…"

"Don't you dare…" Narein hissed all sense of self preservation flying out the window in the face of his desire to protect his Allen. "Don't you dare touch him." _if he has…_ his stomach turned. He would fight him if he had to. No one was going to touch Allen but him.

"Don't worry…" the man made a distasteful sound. "There isn't enough alcohol in this country." He smirked unpleasantly. "You my boy, have got it bad though. I need my stupid apprentice able to help me and until you and he get things settled he's more useless than usual." His smirk transformed into something that made Narein's stomach knot. "So, I'm going to help you out."

"What?" Narein asked suspiciously. _This can't be a good thing… there is no way I can trust this man. What is he getting at? _

Casually, the red haired demon reached into his coat and produced a small white envelope. "I'm going to help you out… this will be good for the both of you." He tapped the little packet. "I'm sending Allen over to your little shack tonight. Put this in his drink."

"No!" Narein shouted. "I'm not going to do something like that to Allen! I would never… never do anything to hurt him!"

"This won't hurt him… it will just help him relax. He probably won't even remember it in the morning, but the both of you will be much more relaxed and then I can get my work done."

"I'm not going to do that!" Narein snapped. _This man is sick!_ "I won't hurt Allen!"

The smile was gone from the man's face. "I don't care what you want to do. I want you to wreck that kid. Tomorrow morning I expect you to have to carry him back to my room. I want him unable to move."

"No!"

"Then we have a problem. I need him too wrecked to move." He gave an odd sigh. "I suppose I could just do it myself then…"

"You wouldn't!" Narein was on his feet now. His chair knocked back and landed loudly on the floor.

"Don't presume to know what I would and wouldn't do." The man's whisper was far more dangerous than any shout could ever be. He pushed the packet across the rough wood of the table. "I'm giving you an opportunity here. Allen will be going to your little shack tonight. You will carry him back to my room in the morning." He tapped the horrible little packet for emphasis. "It won't hurt him. Do this or not… your choice. Just bear in mind that if Allen can walk tomorrow, I will make it so he can't. That would be… unpleasant for all of us I think." He stood and stretched. "Don't worry about your dear sister coming home and surprising you; I'll be watching her dance tonight. I know you'll do what's right." He left Narein alone with his thoughts in the garden shed.

"You're evil…" he mumbled. That man was a monster. "I won't do this." He firmly told himself. _I'll tell Allen though… I'll tell him just what this awful man wanted me to do and then… then I'll convince Allen to leave him. We'll all go to England together. _He stared at the little white envelope. _He wouldn't really hurt Allen… would he? _He grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket.

The rest of the day Narein applied himself viciously to every physical task he could find. Nothing could take his mind of the question at hand. He wouldn't really hurt Allen would he? And if he could, could Narein do what the monster asked of him to prevent it? Either way Allen would be hurt; the only difference was whose hands it would be at. Narein wasn't sure if he could live with that.

Carefully he weighed out the options in his mind. _I won't hurt Allen… I won't let him be hurt… if I don't do something, he will be hurt. That monster will hurt him. I can't let that happen. Maybe…_ he hated where his train of thought was leading him. _Maybe it won't hurt him if I'm the one doing it… if it's me, maybe it won't hurt… I would never hurt him… if he said stop I would. I can't do this! I promised him I wouldn't and I can't go back on that. I'll tell Allen everything and we'll lie to the man. I'll carry Allen back and he can pretend…_

That evening Narein was sick to his stomach as he putted about the tiny kitchen on the patio. He was making tea. He wished he was a better cook so he could at least make Allen a nice meal. In his mind's eye he saw Allen being the domestic one when they reached the safety of England. He could just picture it; he would come home from med school everyday to see Allen's smiling face, watching the other boy as he cooked and then they would wait together for Miena to return from her dance practice before sitting down for dinner. He frowned; something told him that he wouldn't be able to pry poor Allen from the horrible influence of the red haired demon. _After I tell him everything… then maybe… we can leave as soon as my sister gets back, just the three of us. _

Allen arrived just as the water he had set to boil bubbled over. "Just come in!" Narein yelled. "I'm in the kitchen…"

"What are you doing?" Allen asked dryly as he peered around the corner.

"Making a mess of everything…" Narein groaned as he tried to mop up what had spilled.

Allen laughed at him, much of the irritation from earlier gone. "You're hopeless. Move over I'll do it." he moved confidently through the little kitchen and soon both boys were seated with tea and snacks.

"How do you know so much about cooking?" Narein asked in amazement.

Allen smiled. "When I was really little, Mana and I lived above a diner. I used to help out. I get a lot of practice living with master now. He expects me to do a lot."

Narein sighed and tried to work up his courage to say what he needed to. "I spoke with your master today…" he started blandly.

"Are you ok?!" Allen eeped. "He didn't hurt you or anything? I swear I didn't tell him to do anything…"

"No, no… he asked me to do something for him…" he took a deep breath. His heart was pinching painfully. "Something to you… did he tell you why he was sending you over here tonight?"

"Just that I was being a pain in his neck and that I needed to get things straightened out with you so I can get back to my training." Allen frowned. "Why?"

"He told me to wreck you."

"_Wreck_ me?" he shifted awkwardly. "What do you mean wreck?"

Narein pulled out the little white envelope from its hiding place in his pocket. "He told me to put this in your drink and… I can't even say what he wanted me to do then. Allen I would never do anything to hurt you…"

The other boy took it from his hand and opened it, as if checking if the contents were really as bad as they seemed. "No…" Allen shook his head. "You must not of heard right. Master is evil, but he wouldn't… he wouldn't do something like that to me." He smiled and Narein couldn't believe he could possibly be so trusting of the red haired demon.

"Allen that man is evil!" Narein blurted out. "He told me to wreck you! Said that I'd have to carry you back… he wants you too hurt to even walk!" Allen's eyes widened. "He said if I didn't do it then… then he would! I won't let you get hurt!" Narein squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed Allen's right hand. "Please…" he whispered, placing a soft kiss on the boy's fingers. "Please, Allen… this is too much, you deserve better; run away with me. Come with Miena and me to England. You have to get away from that awful man… I'll be good to you. I won't let you ever be sad; we can have a life together."

"Narein…" Allen said his name so softly and gently that his next word was impossibly devastating. "No." he pulled his hand free carefully. "I have my own path to follow."

"But…" Narein stammered helplessly. He hadn't expected Allen to go diving into his arms and offering to help him pack, but he hadn't expected such a firm no either. He wanted to swoop in and rescue the boy from the monster that held him prisoner. "He's just using you…"

"No." Allen smiled again. "I'm using him." he looked out across the twilight sky, his eyes as pale and unreadable as the clouds. "You think I couldn't leave any time I wanted? If I didn't agree to this, I wouldn't be following that jerk around. I could rob him blind and be gone before he even noticed. I think he knows this too. The path I'm walking is dangerous and I need to be strong. He's making me stronger. He kicks me, beats me, makes me do all sorts of stupid and dangerous things and just when I think its all too much… just when I think I've reached my limit, he's right there with that stupid grin, pushing me further." Allen's hands worked open the paper envelope as he spoke. "I will be strong." He smiled as he poured the powder into his tea. Narein stared with wide eyes. Allen raised his glass, "Cheers." He downed it all.

"I can't believe you just did that…"

"Me neither." Allen said nervously. "What did my master say about this stuff?"

Narein frowned. "It won't hurt you… just help you relax. I'm the one who'll hurt you."

"I don't think you will." Allen assured him. "I know you just must not have understood what master was saying."

Narein didn't answer. _You weren't there… you didn't hear what he said. I should have just thrown that stuff away. Why didn't I just throw it away…_ He watched Allen fidget uncomfortably as the medicine started to take affect. His pale skin flushed; his breathing changed. He was obviously fighting it. "Allen?"

"I'm fine." He said far too quickly. The little figure shifted where he sat. Embarrassed eyes looked up at Narein. "I think I need to lie down." He gasped and made a sound that made Narein's blood pool as he helped the boy up and guided him inside. "I'm ok…" he stressed. "My skin feels weird is all."

Narein hated how the sight of Allen affected him. This wasn't Allen; this was the medicine and they both knew it. The pale eyes were clouded. Still the creature on his bed was unbelievably beautiful, arching and trembling; making such innocently wrong mewls and sighs. Mumbling about the heat, Allen wriggled his way free from his shirt, before sitting up to pull off his socks and work pants.

Narein was sure he would die; he was grateful his clothing was so baggy. Allen was once again on his bed and clad only in boxers. Only this time he seemed completely willing to be there. _It's the medicine doing this… this is so not fair._ Allen noticed him staring and quickly rolled over to hide his face. "Do you want me to leave?" Narein forced himself to ask.

"No… this is kinda scary." Allen panted softly. "I'm not me… I feel really weird." He tensed and sat up. "This isn't me…"

There was fear in his eyes. "I know." Narein soothed. "So, I'll follow all the rules you set last time. I'm not going to do anything that I know you don't want; even if you say you want it. I will not take advantage of you, just because of some stupid medicine." _No matter what the red haired demon wanted me to do_… he added silently. "I can stay and I can go. Tell me what you want."

Allen moved first. It was only the barest brush of lips across his own, chaste and uncertain, but Allen kissed him. "I'm ok… let's try again."

Narein was too stunned to speak as Allen pushed him carefully back and tried to copy his actions from the other day. It was horribly awkward, painfully naïve, but it was enthusiastic and Narein was completely enthralled. He would do anything for him. If Allen asked for the world, he would be forced to go and concur it in his name. Even if he lived to a hundred, he was sure he'd never feel as good as he did right now under Allen's shaking and inexperienced hands. Narein arched up into those feather light touches, trying to maneuver the small hands to where he needed them to be. He sighed out his pleasure at it all and Allen instantly stopped in surprise. "Please…" Narein begged, half surprised how fast he let himself act if this wasn't artificially produced.

"You actually like that?" Allen's hazy eyes stared at him with a puzzled expression. He quickly went bight red in embarrassment as he took in the flushed and eager state of the other boy. "I don't… I don't understand." His words ran together.

"It's because it's you…" Narein moaned. "Only because it's you, Allen… only you can make me like this…"

"Me?" Allen asked in a small voice, clearly shocked by how much he had affected him. He pressed his hand over his chest. Narein made a pleading sound; doing everything he could to encourage him. Allen laughed; it wasn't cruel or mocking, only surprised at the level of control he suddenly had. He grew bolder, his hands more confident, seeing just what kind of reactions he could draw out. Narein tried to hold still, to give him a flat map to explore, but it was so very good. He couldn't hold back the little shivers that kept racing through him; he was honest when he said only Allen could do this.

"Only you Allen!" his cry turned into an unhappy groan when the boy pulled away again. "Why?"

"I… don't get it." Allen's brow knit with concern. "How…"

"It's because I like you!" Narein sat up and carefully brought his breathing under control. It struck him that there was still so much the boy didn't understand, having never been a willing participant in such activities. He wasn't going to let himself get carried away. Reaching over to touch Allen's cheek, he smiled. "You're still scared by all this huh? You can't be scared of me… you see how weak you make me? I can't hurt you." Allen stared past him again. "Or… is it you're afraid you'll enjoy it?"

The boy shot him a withering glare and he smiled harder. _Got you… figured you out! _"You were enjoying it… I'm happy, it isn't a bad thing that you liked it." he wondered just how much control he could give up to the boy. "One more try…" he purred and touched his forehead to Allen's; there was a long pause, but Allen nodded and accepted the challenge. "Just do like I do… we can always stop, anytime you want to."

He pushed Allen's back against the wall, one hand lacing their fingers together the other running through the baby soft hair at the nape of his neck. "Don't worry…" Narein whispered against pale lips. "Just do what I do." He waited until he felt Allen move his free hand. It fluttered on his shoulder before carding into his hair. Narein smiled happily and finally claimed his willing mouth.

This was real; this was happening. Even if it was only the medicine, Allen was responding to him; he was going to go slow, make him see just how treasured he really was. Narein whispered a thousand little prayers of gratitude to every god he could think of, even if all their divine names turned to 'Allen' on his lips.

He was thrilled to see how seriously Allen had taken his instruction. The boy was almost too intent on copying his actions to realize just what he was doing. When Narein broke one of the rules he had set, he didn't seem to notice. The first time Narein pushed his tongue past those soft lips, Allen's met it. It was a shy, hesitant gesture, but so very good. Narein groaned into the kiss, his free hand sliding down to Allen's chest. The fingers buried in his hair tightened briefly before mimicking the movement south.

At some point, Allen abandoned the copy challenge and lay back exposed and enticingly vulnerable. He certainly seemed to enjoy Narein's attention; his body was interested, but he wasn't going to go any further than this for now. As badly as he wanted to pull back the fabric of the boy's boxers and help him along; Allen wasn't ready for anything more. Even if he seemed like he wanted to go further, Narein would be responsible and stop things. He was scared that touching anything beyond that remaining fabric barrier would make Allen regret it later. He would go slowly. They had all the time in the world for all he cared.

His own body was aching terribly by now. Narein carefully controlled just how much of his body ever came in contact with Allen's. As desperately as he needed friction he would not let the other know the state he was in. Allen was in a state where he might act upon it and he would never forgive himself later.

The back of Allen's deep red hand stayed over his mouth to keep any stray noise from escaping while his right fluttered between clutching Narein's skin and the bed sheets. He whimpered as Narein continued his gentle abuse on the soft skin at the juncture of neck and shoulder. Allen may never be this willing again and he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to mark him. The boy was moving constantly, as if he was trying to work free of his own skin, unsure of what to do. Soft little noises spilled urgently past the barrier of his hand.

"Hey…" Narein pulled away to admire the red welt he worked so hard on. "You don't have to hold back. I like your voice…" when Allen didn't respond he tugged his hand away. Allen cried out. A single string of saliva clung to the cross etched in his skin. Narein raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"AH!" Allen fiercely tried to pull his hand away. "Don't look!"

"My, my… what were you doing there, Allen?" Narein grinned. He had the feeling that he had just caught something taboo happening.

"Nothing!" Allen snapped. "Let me up! I'm done with this stuff!"

"Not yet… I want to see." He held up the offending hand and examined it closely. Something wedged in the center of the wound glinted in the dim light of the room. Curiosity made him ghost his fingertip over the edge of the scar, carefully tracing the odd shape.

"Don't touch that!" Allen cried hoarsely. He was sitting bold upright now, head thrown back and utterly beautiful.

"But you were…" _you were using your mouth on this…_

"That's different!" he tried again to pull away. "Stop it! I don't go around touching parts of you!"

"I'd like it if you did…" he raised Allen's hand to his lips. "Does this feel good? Is it really that sensitive here?" he wondered aloud and gently blew on the damp skin.

Allen answered with an inarticulate sound and a wildly arched back. That was all the encouragement Narein needed before launching a slow teasing assault on the newly discovered hot spot. The boy rolled back onto the bed, curling in on himself. Soon the only thing Narein was touching was his hand. He held it close to his body, lavishing the deep scar with attention.

"Please…" Allen gasped. "Please stop it, Narein! Something's gonna happen if you don't stop…"

"That's fine…" Narein kissed his knuckles and teasingly tried to avoid touching the scar. "Let it." Allen made the most beautiful sounds. He had a pretty good idea of what would happen. Narein was amazed; honored that he could do something like this for him. _Without even touching him…_ He traced the scar with his tongue again. Allen's skin was delicious in a way he never thought possible; the disfigured flesh begged for his exploration. Allen squirmed and moaned at the sensation.

"Narein!" he cried suddenly. Whether it was a plea to stop or to continue he never had the chance to find out. Narein ventured boldly and pushed his tongue into the scar. Allen shrieked as he kissed the center.

Allen unexpectedly came undone. The pale body arched, tensing with a sweet rapturous cry before turning into a sated, boneless puddle. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Narein worked to commit the scene to memory for later replay. "Wow…" he whispered before he could stop himself. "You're so incredibly beautiful."

"Shit…" Allen panted. "Ah God… shit…" he was mortified beyond belief.

"No worries…" Narein soothed, carefully setting his hand down and kissing his sweaty brow. "Stay here…" he moved to the side of the bed and made to get up. _No wonder he doesn't ever want to hold hands… wow._

"Where are you going?" Allen mumbled sleepily, his fingers spastically twitching.

"Get something to clean up…" Narein smiled at him. "Don't move ok."

"Don't need to." Allen said quickly.

"As much as I love you…" Narein sat back down and ran a hand over his shoulder and into his damp hair. "I'm not gonna have you lying around all dirty in my bed."

"That's… that's not an issue." Allen quickly tried to bury his red face in the pillow. His words were still slurred by the medicine, but his mind seemed much clearer.

"Allen, its no big deal…" he chuckled, still too amazed by Allen's reaction to an old wound. He was oddly proud of himself. "It's not like its totally unexpected… nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Narein…" his voice was stressed. "I just… I don't need." He growled in frustration. "There's nothing ok!"

"But..." Narein blinked in confusion. "But you… I mean that, um you… you finished… you did right?"

"Yes!" he snapped. "But I don't… I just don't! So, drop it ok…" That wasn't normal at his age; Narein frowned. "Look." Allen sat up embarrassed and angry. "I know what's normal… what's supposed to happen and I just don't… or I can't." he plopped back down on the bed and covered his face with his hands. "I don't know which. Its just one more thing wrong with me."

Narein made a mental note to never bring it up again. "Maybe your just a late bloomer." It was a good suggestion, but as Narein touched his hot skin he suspected something more serious. He wouldn't say it, but he wondered if the boy was sterile.

"Narein… let me go." Allen mumbled. "My skin hurts… so let go." Allen curled up into a little ball. "I wanna go back to Master's room."

"I kinda thought you were going to stay here for the night." Narein paused. Allen looked upset. He knew the boy was embarrassed, but this? He reached out to touch the junction of wine red skin and Allen flinched.

"You didn't listen…" hurt grey eyes bored into his. "I said stop… Narein I told you to stop, but you didn't. You even said you would stop anytime I asked you to… but when I did you kept going!"

"I…" Narein frowned hard as he tried to remember just when Allen had supposedly told him no.

"My hand." Allen choked on the words. "That wasn't yours to touch! It hurt!" he flushed bright red. "It hurt so much… that I started to like it. I didn't want that and you did it anyway."

"Allen… I'm so sorry. I didn't hear you say stop, not like you meant it."

"That doesn't matter! If I didn't sound like I meant it, does that mean you can just keep going?!"

His eyes widened with realization. He had heard the boy and he had kept going. _I've messed everything up again. I didn't believe he wanted me to stop... it was the medicine making him act like that and I even told him I wouldn't let that be a factor… _"I'm sorry…" Narein repeated till the words felt hollow. He had the sinking feeling that this time he had gone too far; he had damaged something impossible to repair.

"Take me home." Allen softly replied. Narein glared at him, frustrated. "I need help to go… I can't really move." He gave a bitter laugh. "See… no matter what we did, you'd still have to carry me back."

Narein helped him pull his shirt and pants back on and carried him on his back across the palace grounds. Allen wouldn't let himself be carried bridal style. "I'm not a girl!" he shouted.

At the door to the room he shared with the red haired demon, Narein tried talking once more. _If I can just convince him that I really do love him… then he'll understand_. Even to himself he sounded desperate. He set Allen carefully against the door and looked in his eyes. "I love you, please don't be angry…"

"Stop." Allen's voice was gentle but strong. "I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this… I don't love you. Not like that. I do care for you and I let you do all this stuff to me, yes _to me_ not _with me_, because I thought that was what I needed to do to keep your friendship. You're my friend… and as your friend I can see just how much this is killing you. This has to stop. It's bad for you."

"Allen please!" he could feel it; Allen was going to break his heart here and now. He had no argument to give, no more to defend his feelings with. His world was ending and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"I'll miss you. Please stay away from me."


End file.
